Welcome 2015

Well, it's been a long time since I typed my thoughts on this blog, and now a new year is upon us all. I can't quite believe it was September when I last had anything to say, but I committed the cardinal sin of letting the demon job consume me until all I did was eat, sleep and go to work. No stories, no poems and barely any crochet to speak of, although I did manage one or two items for christmas pressies.

Will this new year be different?
I doubt it very much but more time for me things is a must, and less time for the soul destroying monster on my shoulder that aids me to pay for the everyday items all of us require to exist, like food, rent and beer.
Mmmum, beer. Even that has been lacking in my life for a while and it is not always the beer that is required, but the hour or so in the pub which seems to allow myself the right to sit and contemplate the universe, to let my mind unwind and the prose flow. (As it is not flowing tonight, I'm afraid.)

Well all I am doing is moaning at my own inability to do want I want, rather than what I think others want, or expect while not allowing me to just do. I can always find excuses not to do and the curse of lack of self belief is just another excuse not to do.

I write because it bleeds from my brain and colours my life with its twisted shades of a backwards rainbow. My lack of fast or accurate typing is just an excuse, my reluctance to edit my own work. Ok a total denial of any need to edit my own work would be more honest: is just a bigger excuse, and the knowledge that I have to push myself forward to either succeed or fail is the biggest excuse of them all.

These are the demons I must overcome this year. I cannot slay them, for the fight stimulates my imagination as much as anything does, but I cannot hold them close to me, to revel in the comfort that I cannot do, or I have not the time, or that I am not good enough. I must fight to keep them at bay. They will always linger, but without such a challange all this will be worthless. And life is never worthless, is it.

Well this turned into an interesting rant to myself. Hopefully I will reread it and gain some heart and let the year come. I acknowledge its challenge and stand before it.

Happy 2015 to us all.

Thank you for listening XX